“HOW TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT MARRIAGE PARTNER” (Part 9) by Gloria Bamiloye
TIME TO PROPOSE
After you have been fully convinced of the man or the lady you believe God is leading you to marry, it is very important you involve your biological parents and your parents in the Lord before you finally propose to her. It is not spiritually wise to go ahead and propose or accept the proposal without the knowledge of your parents. It is very important you carry them along for so many reasons.
The most important reason is because you need their spiritual backing and as well as their consent. If your parents are not pleased with whoever you believe is the will of God for your life to marry, it is very risky going ahead with the person.
You must not forget that you cannot handle this period of your life alone. You need them for assistance because they have passed through the stage before. You will help yourself when you listen to their word of wisdom as you carry them along. Some people conclude the whole process before they inform their parents. That is wrong is against the scriptures. Parents play key role in the marriages of their children in the Bible and they have a say as regards who their children marry. Especially those who are in covenant with God like Abraham. He monitored and supervised the marriage of Isaac until the Lord settled him with the right lady he had prepared for him.
Today your parents may not choose for you but they can assists you in prayers and counselling and God respects their opinion because you are their continuation, you are their future. That is why God may choose to reveal his mind to them including the parents that don’t know God . Their failure to agree with you may be because God wants you to have some patience or to teach you some personal lessons that will be relevant to your future. Don’t just ignore them and move ahead because you have heard from God, it is important you walk right so you can receive their blessing.You therefore need their prayers and counselling as you move on to make your choice. They must be happy and readily welcome the person into the family with joy. If par adventure your parents refuse to accept whoever you choose as a marriage partner despite your prayers and conviction, you must wait in prayer and seek the face of God before you go further. The heart of the king is in God’s hands, He has power to touch their hearts to agree to the will of God for your life. God respects the wish of the parents at this stage, He always gives them that honor because you came out of their loins to this world. You are their continuation and their future.
After you have taken all necessary steps and you have received the consent of your parents, you are free to go ahead and propose to the sister. In most cases you don’t expect the sister to give the answer the moment you propose because she too must pray to hear from God herself. A sister who is spiritually sound cannot just agree to what is said without going to God for confirmation. Amos 3:3[3] Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
She must be convinced of what God says about you before she agrees with you
TO THE SISTERS
Sisters should know that ,it is not compulsory you pray concerning all the brothers that propose to you or you will not have time to do any other assignment God is giving you. You should not be forced to pray on whoever you have no interest in.There is a place of feeling or interest which you cannot ignore and that a times can be seen as love or desire.
Something must have attracted you to someone before thinking the person may likely be the right marriage partner for you. It is not always common to approach somebody you barely known or have anything to do with as a marriage partner. The same way you don’t just pray on anyone you have no interest or feelings for. It is your desire or your love you submit before God when you ask for His will because your feelings may not be perfect. That is why despite your feelings, the person may not still be the will of God for your life and he may be.
It is also very important you inform your parents when a brother propose to you for further counselling and prayers as you wait before the Lord to receive his mind concerning the brother.
Some brothers believe they are spiritual and their conviction should not be questioned. They therefore expect the sister to give them a positive answer the following day without informing anyone not even her parents. You must not allow yourself to be intimidated by any brother however spiritual he is or to shut your mouth and terrify you with ‘God says’ therefore having no choice but to give a positive answer. No. You must not give in to that. God is your father and you must be bold to ask Him His plans for your life concerning who you will spend your life with.
At the same time, it is not good to tie down the brother in the pretense of still praying. It is very wrong to do that. Some will keep praying for months and the brother will be waiting unable to do anything. You should be able to know what God is saying within a month if you are sincere about the prayer. And be ready to tell the brother whatever you are certain you received from the Lord so he can be free to move on with his life if the answer is negative.
Do not waste his time while your heart is with someone else. It is a sin and such a sister will always loose at the end.
TO THE BROTHERS
Brothers, be very careful not to allow any sister waste your precious time because some sisters these days are not ready to commit themselves to any brother below their standard or expectation. So instead of rejecting his proposal, they will allow him to fill the gap by relating with him as a friend while she is waiting for the actual person of her dreams. Such a sister will engage the brother, allowing him into her life, relating with him and pretending like she will eventually consider him. Sisters like this pretend to love but giving the brother false hope while she is secretly waiting for the person she desires. She will always be afraid to fully commit herself. While the innocent brother will be ready to do anything she asks him to do wth the mind that she will soon give him a positive answer.
They can be like that for years while the brother will be tied down unable to move forward because of this fake love.Do not waste your time on such sisters. Go back to God and pray to know His mind. Release your self from that bondage and move on with your life. That is not love but serious bondage. That lady does not appreciate you because if she eventually considers to marry you, she will simply end up managing you. The reason is that she settled down with you because no one was forthcoming, and not that she loves or appreciate you. Such lady can never help you in life and it will be tough to fulfill your full potential with such a lady.
A brother I know very well was in such a situation for almost four years. He kept hoping and waiting for the sister to settle down with him in marriage.The sister shared almost everything with this brother. She appeared to be so loving and very caring to him, but she did not give him an answer. In actual fact, the brother was very low in qualification compared to the level of the sister. She did not say anything about this but kept the brother waiting.
At last she agreed and gave him a positive answer and they began the relationship, but this sister refused to hear anything about marriage. She kept postponing the issue of marriage for years until the brother was counseled to stop this hopeless journey and to wait on God and pray. He discovered later that the sister was only interested in friendship but she was not ready to fully commit herself to the brother.
The brother stopped the relationship and moved on with his life and not long after, God provided another partner for him. He is happily married and doing well in the ministry with his wife while the sister is still busy with her career.The danger in this situation is that if the brother refused to retrace his step, his time will be wasted and he may miss the real person that has been prepared for him because God has time for everything and cannot be tied down. He always has better alternatives.
And If the lady eventually married him, she will never have been a perfect helper for him because she already had her own way.
To our brothers therefore, do not let anyone waste your time. Be sensitive, watchful and be careful of such time wasters. Whoever God will give you to marry will appreciate you. She will respect and honor the grace of God upon your life. Even if you are not so much endowed as she is. She will not manage you but receive you and honor God in your life. It is very dangerous to marry someone who just wants to manage you.
Pray very well to receive the very best the Lord has reserved for you. After the brother eventually moved on with his life, God gave him a lady who is well blessed and highly qualified but very humble and who accepted the man as he is. She became a great helper for him and his ministry.
The virtuous woman in the book of proverbs was an example of such woman. Even though she was blessed than the man, she respected and honor him more so that she spent all her life to promote the man until the man became one of the greatest men in the city.
Be wise, don’t force any woman into your life or force yourself into any man’s life. Be sensitive and watchful, don’t ignore any negative sign you discover, but move back to wait more on God.
Don’t give room for sentiments so you don’t jeopardize your glorious future.
#GloriaBamiloye
